Last night I had the strangest dream...Part I

My mom’s parents have been gone for a while. My grandmother has been gone for 10 years and my grandfather for almost seven. The house that I spent so much time in as a child, and even lived in for a couple of years as a man in my early twenties, was sold two years before either of them left us. Yet in this dream, it played a huge role in, well, something…

The dream began with a bunch of people, mostly family members, doing odd tasks; cooking, watching TV, chasing small kids around and having casual conversations with each other. None of this activity was really out of the ordinary for anytime that my family would get together.

As for myself, I was wandering around outside. I thought about how the garage used to lean to one side. Continuous years of snow piling onto its roof caused the structure to lean and became unstable. It was fixed long before we sold the house, but I always remember it that way.

Anyway, the dream skipped around randomly and then significant things began to take place. Again, I was wandering around the outside of the house looking at how much the grass had grown and how it needed to be cut. So I grabbed the lawnmower out of the garage, as I had so many times in my youth, and began to mow the lawn in the backyard. It was an odd-shaped yard and if you tried to keep the lines running completely straight, it looked funny, so it was better to just go with the natural flow created by the curvature of the driveway and shrubbery along the line that divides us between our neighbors. When I finished, the yard looked so nice and I was very proud of myself. I trimmed the edges of the lawn and it was really the most work I had ever done in the backyard (It’s in the BACK of the house, who is going to see that??).

Once I finished back there, I moved to the front lawn. The front was small and usually took about 10 minutes to mow, but the two large trees usually left broken sticks and twigs all over the place from the squirrels running through the trees. You had to be careful when mowing the front because the blades would shoot the debris out the back into your bare legs, sometimes cutting them up pretty good.

I’m way off my point here, so back I go.

I finished the lawn, but as I turned to head into the house, a large moving truck pulled up, then another. The first truck was to take everything away. The second one contained the belongings of the new family that was moving in – apparently immediately! Moments later, the family arrived in their minivan. A nice, young couple, probably my age, stepped out and opened the back doors to retrieve their children – two girls and a boy - ages six, four and 18 months.

My family came out to greet them and we exchanged pleasantries. However, in a matter of moments, something clicked inside of me and I began to weep. Moments later, I was really crying, the way I have only cried at family funerals. I ran to the other side of the moving trucks so no one else could see me and I sat on the curb and openly sobbed for what seemed like a very long time.

So what does this all mean? To be continued…

If the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility

As I mentioned in the comments from my previous post, I wanted to talk about the sanctuary I found when I started sailing with my dad.

I’ve always loved the water. I think part of it is due to growing up so close to Lake Erie, part of it because I am drawn to its peacefulness and part of it just inherit in me because of I’m a Pisces. The serenity I feel when I’m on the boat is indescribable. All of my thoughts and worries disappear. However, it did not start out this way. When I was younger, whenever I was on the boat, I would get seasick. When I started racing, because I had responsibilities, my mind did not have time to worry about getting sick and I found that I rarely had that nauseous feeling.

Anyway, back to finding peace on the water. Every Wednesday, from the May through mid-September, we would race for about 2 hours, but it was the 30-45 minutes prior to the race when I would completely lose myself. During that time, while heading away from the dock, I would begin to set up the sails. We would head up the channel and slip by the people hanging out on the waterfront on a hot summer night. Once the sails were set and we only had time to kill, I would sit with my back against the mast, facing the bow, away from everyone else on the boat. It was there that I could lose everything in my head.

Staring out over the water, watching the other boats sail by, listening to the seagulls overhead and watching the people on the shore enjoy the summer night, I could let myself go. The troubles of the day, the troubles of life slipped overboard into the water.

It’s very difficult to describe how I would feel for that 30 minutes, other than it was very spiritual for me. These moments were the few times when I was at peace with myself and to tie this together with my comments, I found that my sanctuary was on the bow of that boat, leaning against the mast and soaking in the atmosphere.

It's not that we're scared, It's just that it's delicate

Death has a way of entering our lives at very inopportune moments. I guess though, when is there a good time for death? Death is one a few things that I am afraid of. I am “scared to death” of it, definitely no pun intended.

I bring this up because I spent Monday and Tuesday last week dealing with a death in my family. My great uncle passed away after having a stroke, which was a possible risk after his successful back surgery. He had a small stroke, to which his abilities were limited, but the potential for recovery was there. Then he had a massive stroke and he was left with no chance. My grandmother flew in from California. His children, stepchildren and grandchildren arrived in waves to say their final goodbyes before the doctors took him off the ventilator.

My dad emailed me about the situation a almost two weeks ago on Tuesday. I had pretty much made up my mind afterwards that I wanted to be at the funeral, whenever it was going to take place, regardless of the cost or strain on my personal schedule. On Sunday afternoon, while watching football, I got the call that he had passed.

I am going to skip the inane details of trying to get a last minute flight and the weather issues I had to deal with for now. Maybe by the end of the week, when I have some time, I’ll be able to write about those situations. For now, I’m going to write about a wonderful man; the extraordinary funeral he had and say my own goodbye.

One note before I begin. Due to this uncle existing on my father’s side of the family, I did not spend a great amount of time with him. I would see him maybe once every couple of years at family functions. However, he was also a best friend of an uncle on my mom’s side of the family whom I did see often, so I would get updates as to how he was and what was going on with him on a regular occasion.

That being said, the time I spent with him was always memorable. The first thing I always noticed was his smile. He always had a big smile on his face. If I had the opportunity to speak with him, and most likely I would because he always made a point of mingling with everyone, he would make sure to ask how I was doing, what was going on in my life and was I happy. As the conversation progressed from topic to topic, he always spoke with passion and conviction, regardless of the topic. In our ardent conversations, his face and voice were always animated and I could tell he genuinely enjoyed speaking with me.

It is said that people are not judged by the things they possess, but by the company they keep. If this is true, then my uncle will receive the highest of honors. The turnout for his funeral was phenomenal. Well over 250 people who had been touched by him in some manner showed up to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. There were nine speakers: a son, a stepdaughter, a stepson, two granddaughters, a former student’s mother and two colleagues/friends. While they all spoke eloquently, two stood out.

My uncle was a professor of business and marketing at a State University. He was a department head. He was the student advisor to a number of different organizations on campus. One of his organizations, Students in Free Enterprise, was a competition. His group finished first in regional competitions nine years in a row. Nationally, they were ranked third and this is amongst some of the best schools in the country. There is no division I, II or III. I give you this background because the President of the University was one of the speakers and spoke more highly of him than I’d ever heard of such a common person. However, he wasn’t a common person. He was exceptional.

Above all else, his family came first. He lost his first wife in his late 30’s, while his children were in their teens. He married his second wife in his mid-40’s, bringing her three children together with his and creating one large, loving family. The children all got along very well and remain close to this day. From these two families, he welcomed sons and daughter’s-in-law, as well as numerous grandchildren. His eldest granddaughter spoke at his funeral and she was the most eloquent, poised and composed speaker of the morning. She spoke about sitting on the patio while he would tell her stories, helping her with her homework and listening to talk about anything and everything that was going on in her life. She talked about how difficult it was to see him in the hospital and much she would miss him.

When she finished, the only audible sound in the room were that of sniffles, blowing noses and quiet sobbing. She had everyone in the room thinking about what a great man he was and how much he will be missed. Her speech described and reinforced the very soul and spirit of the man he was: husband, father, grandfather, uncle and friend.

I cannot do justice in my attempts to describe any of what the speakers said that day, so I will not try. The best that I can say about how amazing this funeral was, is that of the 250+ that showed up for the service, around 75 showed up at the cemetery, in 9°, windy, snowy weather, to say their final goodbyes. Among those who showed up for the service were members from my mom’s side of the family as well. Aside from his best friend, my uncle whom I mentioned before, my aunt and uncle, my mother’s brother and sister and another great uncle as well. When I spoke with each of them, after being somewhat surprised to see them there, they each conveyed how much they enjoyed having the opportunity to know this man. His presence went well beyond the boundaries of the two sides of my family and I continued to be amazed.

I wish I could’ve seen him more often than I did. I wish I had seen him more recently than the last time, which was two years ago and I wish that my final goodbye at that time was not my final goodbye.

May he rest in peace knowing that he touched the lives of so many, even those he only came in contact with for the briefest of moments. We will all miss you greatly.

Baby, it's cold outside

It's pretty chilly here today, 31 degrees when I left for work, but probably about 20 with the wind chill, so I am wearing a sweater and my winter coat, which of course is made for winters in Buffalo, not necessarily for a few cold days in Houston. Nonetheless, I'm getting shit about it from my coworkers! I told them this is cold, even for people from the North, but they still insist on ragging on me. I don't remember complaining about how ridiculously hot was when it was 110 degrees with the heat index this summer! They need to lay off and stop coming to my office to razz me, it's really childish.

She takes you places your heart cannot go during the winter (& summer!) up in Buffalo

This day has been filled with memories. This morning I was searching the web and wound up on a site that was talking about Buffalo and its lack of revitalization on the East Side. There were pictures of buildings that I recognized and streets were mentioned that I haven’t driven down in years. From the gist of what was being talked about, I gathered that someone is trying to build up those neighborhoods, but just because you build it, doesn’t mean people will come. It’s a catch-22. If you put nice, new homes in a neighborhood, the area will clean itself up and nice, new business will follow. Or is it vice versa? Well, this is not for me to ponder because I don’t live there anymore, but I thought I would mention it as something to think about.

Then my father and his email and the nostalgia he brought up about his old boat. I remember being on that boat, as he said, swimming off the stern, bucket wars in the hot August sun and as I got older, the moonlight sails to Point Abino the weekend of the Queen City Regatta and Mayor’s Cup. I remember duct tape sheets and having a race called due to lack of wind while we were 50 yards from the finish – way ahead of our nearest competition. I keep close in my mind leaning against the mast as we motored out of the channel to get ready for our Wednesday night races and preparing myself for the job ahead; setting the bag, setting the pole, jibing the chute, getting my 175 lb. frame off the bow as quickly as possible because it slows us down. I also remember being face down on the bow while setting the bag in 10 foot waves and every time we came out of a swell, a wave would crash on top of me; the whole time I’m thinking, ‘one hand for the boat, one hand for yourself’, but loving every damned minute of it. I too will miss the Getaway, but I haven’t been on her since ’99, so she doesn’t hold any recent memories for me. Dad offered her to me, but I have neither the time nor the money to take her off his hands; but oh, how I would love one more sail.

I always defend Buffalo when people criticize it, whether it’s because of the snowstorms or its sports teams, Buffalo is a very special place - home. I am often asked if I would ever return and my answer has always been the same since the day I left in ’99, “If the financial situation was better and other situations could work out, I would move back in a heartbeat." I don’t mind the snow; it’s better than running from a hurricane! I love the summers. 85 degrees and sunny almost every day is hard to beat and it’s certainly better than 105 and humid. The south doesn’t even know what fall foliage is and the area surrounding Buffalo is second to none when it comes to that. I love the architecture downtown and my dad does such a great job telling different stories about how this building was such and such and now it’s just a piece of history. Buffalo was a big part of the industrial revolution and has a huge part in American history around the turn of the 19th Century. I grew up a stone’s throw from the Erie Canal and learned about its rich history while in school. It’s close enough to Toronto to make a day trip up there and be in a world-renowned city that has a culture like no other. It’s close enough to the middle of nowhere to get lost in the country for a day and still make it home for a late dinner. You can get anywhere you need to be in 20 minutes. It’s a piece of my heart that just doesn’t die. It doesn’t matter how many times people put it down or I hear about all the economic disasters happening, I will always think of Buffalo as my home.

Wishful thinking/A change is gonna come

Time for a Change, by (my father) in Buffalo, NY:

"Two things in life are always certain, death & taxes!" That's what we're told from when we were very young. The known and the unknown, you can count on that. Owning the same boat for many years gives one the sense of security and familiarity of knowing what you have and what to expect. I owned my Cal 25, Quick Getaway for some 23 years. Looking back on those years, I've single-handed all over Lake Erie, raced in just about every event in the area and had a ball doing it. I've got boxes of trophies, plaques, bowls, and plates or as my wife calls it, "a service for 12". It's safe, comfortable, easy to sail, and quick…what more could you want? It's fun, but the challenge is gone. We need new challenges to keep us moving forward. That's why after all the happy years with the Getaway it is time to move on. I need new challenges, I need to challenge my crew and that's the only way to get better. Fast is fun, faster is funner!

Moving on is tough, all those memories. It's like a first car, first house or first love. Contentment wasn't enough anymore. Sorry old Cal. I'll miss the simplicity of your rig, the feel on the helm and the years we spent together. I remember all too well when we spent that thunderstorm together in Presque Isle State Park. Anchored deep into the corner of the marina with lightning all around and the glow from the oil lamp flickering while I tried to read amongst the thunder claps. Or the time we got caught in a storm coming back from Dunkirk with waves as high as the top of the mast. We went through it together ol' Cal, survived it and arrived back home safe and sound.

My kids grew up on that boat. We'd swim off the stern when the wind died and had bucket wars in the August heat. When they got older they'd race with us and were great additions to the usual crew. Those are fond memories. Then there are the regattas with the crew. We knew what sail combinations to use, where to set the cars and who was doing what. We've seen this movie before! After years together, we knew the dance steps by heart, not a word was needed, we knew what came next. You've been good to us, I won't forget you; you'll always have a place at my table with the service for 12! The next owner will be very lucky indeed, in a well found boat with hundreds of safe miles under her keel, of that I am sure. It was with very mixed emotions the day I wrote the listing for my own boat. Parting is sweet sorrow.

I'm driving to Michigan this weekend to pick up my Beneteau Farr 25. It's new, fast and challenging, just what the doctor ordered. I'm up for the challenges ahead. I'm excited for the new adventure; a new chapter is about to begin. If the weather holds, we'll drop her in the water for a test sail before winter. To be continued…..

I couldn't have said it any better Dad.

Leaving on a jet plane

Something about me and airports I guess!

We flew into Jacksonville International Airport today without problems, but when we had come back to pick S’s sister and her boyfriend up, I came upon the issue of the day: airport security.

Normally I wouldn’t worry about something of this nature since I am willing to give up some freedom if it means keeping me safe. However, in this particular instance, I feel we need to rethink things, even though I know it happens everywhere. We parked in front of the terminal to pick the two of them up and we waited for maybe 2 minutes before they arrived. Their luggage had not come out yet, so they brought their carry on bags to the car and went back inside. About 3 minutes later, security came over to tell us to “circle the lot if we weren’t loading anything.” I understand the reasoning for this; they don’t want people loitering around in front of the airport. It’s a reasonable idea – in New York, Washington, D.C., L.A., Chicago, Atlanta, Boston, Toronto, you get the idea, the major airports. At Jacksonville International Airport, I can’t imagine too many terrorists hanging out in front of the terminal, waiting to blow it up. I also cannot imagine too many terrorists wanting to hijack a plane from that or any small market airport due to the nature of the size of the planes that fly in and out of them.

Terrorist: We have de plane.

FAA: You’re kidding right?

Terrorist: No. We are going to fly dis tirty-five seat Turboprop into de Des Moines Civic Center.

FAA: Ok buddy, you do that!

I know, I know, that’s mean, but I’m just playing a role here.

Seriously, are we worried about this? Maybe there is another reason I’m not thinking of or that no one has told me, but this is the reason I have been given and (insert hint of sarcasm here) I take the government’s word for everything, like a loyal citizen!

Again, I’m not opposed to giving up some freedom, but making me circle the lot when I know my party is inside waiting on their luggage to be brought out is a bit ridiculous.

Part II of this issue is the fact that I have to continuously circle the lot! With the price of gas these days, a potential energy shortage, the fact that I am driving a rental car and that 30 other cars are doing the same thing as well, causing a possible traffic accident, which then translates to my insurance rates going up; come on, let me stand by the curb for 5 minutes. Hell, you can run my drivers license through a background check if it makes this whole process easier.

The funny thing about this situation is that we were told to move not once, but twice and I thought about lying to get out of it the second time! After we came back around after the first couple laps, S had to use the restroom, so she parked and I was in the passenger seat. When the security officer came to my window and asked what I was doing I explained to him the situation and he asked me to move it…again. I wanted so bad to tell him that I didn’t have a drivers license and that I couldn’t move it, that we’d have to wait for either S, or the one of the others to come to the car, but I also did not want to know what the consequences would be if I said that. So I got out of the passenger seat and adjusted the driver seat and pulled away, made 4 laps, then stopped to finally pick up our party and head to our vacation destination.

A great start to this vacation.

I want to get away! I want to fly away.

At the beginning of August, my girlfriend and I flew to my hometown of Buffalo, NY to attend a family picnic/delayed wedding reception for my sister who had a planned elope wedding in Vegas (everyone knew they were getting married while they were there). Anyway, we had a fairly poor experience flying AirTran on our return to Houston and I wrote a pretty nasty email to them and after starting this blog a few weeks later, some friends told me to add it because while it addresses serious issues, it is also hysterical! Enjoy!

To Whom It May Concern:

On Sunday, August 7, 2005, my girlfriend and I were to take Flight 553, from Buffalo, NY, which was scheduled to leave at 2005 and arrive in Atlanta, GA at 2215. We were then scheduled to connect to Flight 299, scheduled to depart ATL at 2250 and arrive in Houston, TX at 2350 (CDT). Due to weather in Atlanta, our flight from Buffalo was delayed until approximately 1015 (we boarded at 945). While waiting, announcements were made concerning connecting flights at least three different times, each time, updating the connections to the best of their knowledge. The last announcement before we boarded in Buffalo listed our connecting flight time as 1215. We then assumed that should be enough time to change flights.

When we finally arrived in ATL, at 1214 (that is the exact time the CSR told us we arrived at the gate), deplaned, got into the terminal, asked a CSR which gate we were at and proceeded to that gate, our connection had departed. This is now approximately 1222. Assuming all the information that we were given before departing Buffalo was correct, we presumed that our flight was being held to allow us to make our connection. I understand there are schedules to keep, however, if this is the last flight of the evening for this plane and it’s already leaving 1 ½ hours late, what is another 15 minutes? If I were on that plane and they held it for this reason, I would understand and I would hope anyone else would too, knowing they could be in that situation at some time also. However, we were told that the connection information we were given was not correct and our connecting flight to Houston closed at 1145 and if I heard correctly, departed the gate 1206, 8 minutes before we arrived at the gate and 16 minutes before we could’ve made it to that plane. Again, holding planes for passengers that you know are on another flight and will arrive shortly for 15 more minutes, when it is already late for its original takeoff is not an unreasonable request.

In any event, we proceeded to the customer service counter, a line that was about 15 people deep when we entered it, to get what we assumed would be a hotel voucher and assistance with booking us on the first flight out in the morning. While standing in line, we called your 800 number, rebooked our flights and continued to stay in line for the hotel voucher. At 0120, just short of an hour of standing in line, we finally made it to the counter, were given our new boarding passes, a vendor voucher for food or whatever and the number to call for a reservation at a hotel at the lowest rate available, not at your expense however, because this was a weather related delay, according to the CSR. Again, had they held the plane, there would not have been any delay and we would not have been put in that situation! Also, they could’ve announced that we were not going to receive a hotel voucher at your expense and the line would’ve moved significantly faster and we would’ve been able to catch the train to the main terminal, because to add insult to injury, the trains don’t run after 0100 (which is not your fault) and we would’ve had to walk to the main terminal, catch the shuttle and get to the hotel, probably not until 0215. Because our new flight (#287) was at 0805 (which was also late, as I will explain below), we would’ve gathered about 4.5 hours of sleep, at our expense!

After realizing that leaving the airport, going to a hotel, that we would be spending less that 20% of a day in, but paying the full price for and wasting a lot of time and energy, it would be worthwhile to find a comfortable bench in the terminal and try to catch some sleep. At approximately 0145, we then proceeded back to your customer service counter and simply asked if we could possibly get a couple of blankets because the terminal was very cold (unfortunately, this was not something we can blame on you!). The lady at this counter was very nice and asked another staff member to check a plane for some blankets and bring them to us. We never saw him again. We pulled a couple of benches together and attempted to sleep, however, between airport announcements, the cleaning crew and people milling around, I managed a meager .5 hour of sleep between 0230 and 0630, while my girlfriend managed a little less than 2 hours of sleep during the same period. We then arose to get ourselves together and head for some breakfast, on you, and go to our gate for our flight home. We managed to eat .5 of our meals, which were below standards for most humans, but since we didn’t have to pay for it, we figured you wouldn’t mind us wasting your money like you’ve wasted our time.

We arrived at our gate at approximately 0715 and waited anxiously to board and go home. At 0745, I wondered aloud why we had yet to board, or even hear an announcement as to why. Within a few minutes, an announcement was made that overnight, the plane had undergone routine maintenance, but had yet to be cleaned and that was the reason for the delay. Had I known this would be an issue, I would’ve offered to clean the plane, for my normal OT wage at my job, since I had nothing better to do all night long! Maybe I could’ve grabbed a blanket to keep myself and my girlfriend warm while I was on there! All the same, we finally boarded at approximately 0815 and departed the gate around 0830. While we boarded and again during mid-flight, we asked one of the flight attendants for a couple of blankets, because we had yet to warm up from our night in the arctic terminal, but received none.

Also, on a side note, on our flights to Buffalo on Friday, August 5, 2005, when the drink cart came around, I was given my soda in a cup and the remainder of the can. However, on both return flights, I received only my cup, which gave me about 2 sips and I was done. I realize I could’ve asked for more, but try to get everyone on the same page; continuity and standardization is what makes fast-food so successful. I can go to McDonald’s in Seattle, WA and Boone, NC and know that my food will be prepared the same in both places. Keep that idea in mind.

Back to my real complaint, due to this outrageous inconvenience, I had to call-off of my hourly-paying job, which will leave me short in my paycheck in a few weeks. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is a very busy attorney, who had to call and reschedule all her morning appointments. I would hope that you’re aware that in her line of work, time is money and you’ve cost her 4-6 hours of billable time because someone didn’t want to hold a plane for 15 minutes.

Does this sound like an enjoyable experience with your airline? After having a very pleasant weekend with my family, some of whom I have not seen in over a year, I had to deal with this situation, which also lead to a very grumpy girlfriend and I had to deal with that as well! Fortunately, I had a lot of time to write an email to you while I was sitting in the terminal waiting for my morning flight! All of these events and thoughts are fresh in my mind and will remain so until a resolution has come about. Yes, that’s right; I want something for all of this trouble. It had better be worth my time and aggravation or I will make sure that anyone I come in contact with does not use your airline in the future, which would be unfortunate because you fly to so many of the cities where I personally would visit and where many of my friends often fly from Houston. I would also visit various websites that rate airlines and post comments that portray your lack of complimentary services in these types of situations and stupidity in flight management very blatantly, as I believe I have in this letter.

I have worked in the customer service industry for 15 years and I would never treat one of my customers as I feel I have been treated by your airline. Customer service is your lifeblood and if you continue with this type, you’ll be bleeding to death. We paid for tickets on a flight that, for us, never occurred and cost myself even more money, by having to miss work. Potentially, this could’ve cost even more money had we gone to the hotel. How do two $350 plane tickets turn into $1000, re-read this email and you’ll understand how.

I’ll be eagerly waiting for your response. I can be reached at this email address, my work email address (insert address here), my home phone (insert # here), my cell phone (insert # here), or my work phone (insert # here) M-F (after Monday, August 08, 2005, since I needed to take the day off!). I fully expect I’ll be hearing from you very shortly.

Sincerely,

Goal10der Conf. #O N
S Conf. #A F