Death has a way of entering our lives at very inopportune moments. I guess though, when is there a good time for death? Death is one a few things that I am afraid of. I am “scared to death” of it, definitely no pun intended.
I bring this up because I spent Monday and Tuesday last week dealing with a death in my family. My great uncle passed away after having a stroke, which was a possible risk after his successful back surgery. He had a small stroke, to which his abilities were limited, but the potential for recovery was there. Then he had a massive stroke and he was left with no chance. My grandmother flew in from California. His children, stepchildren and grandchildren arrived in waves to say their final goodbyes before the doctors took him off the ventilator.
My dad emailed me about the situation a almost two weeks ago on Tuesday. I had pretty much made up my mind afterwards that I wanted to be at the funeral, whenever it was going to take place, regardless of the cost or strain on my personal schedule. On Sunday afternoon, while watching football, I got the call that he had passed.
I am going to skip the inane details of trying to get a last minute flight and the weather issues I had to deal with for now. Maybe by the end of the week, when I have some time, I’ll be able to write about those situations. For now, I’m going to write about a wonderful man; the extraordinary funeral he had and say my own goodbye.
One note before I begin. Due to this uncle existing on my father’s side of the family, I did not spend a great amount of time with him. I would see him maybe once every couple of years at family functions. However, he was also a best friend of an uncle on my mom’s side of the family whom I did see often, so I would get updates as to how he was and what was going on with him on a regular occasion.
That being said, the time I spent with him was always memorable. The first thing I always noticed was his smile. He always had a big smile on his face. If I had the opportunity to speak with him, and most likely I would because he always made a point of mingling with everyone, he would make sure to ask how I was doing, what was going on in my life and was I happy. As the conversation progressed from topic to topic, he always spoke with passion and conviction, regardless of the topic. In our ardent conversations, his face and voice were always animated and I could tell he genuinely enjoyed speaking with me.
It is said that people are not judged by the things they possess, but by the company they keep. If this is true, then my uncle will receive the highest of honors. The turnout for his funeral was phenomenal. Well over 250 people who had been touched by him in some manner showed up to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. There were nine speakers: a son, a stepdaughter, a stepson, two granddaughters, a former student’s mother and two colleagues/friends. While they all spoke eloquently, two stood out.
My uncle was a professor of business and marketing at a State University. He was a department head. He was the student advisor to a number of different organizations on campus. One of his organizations, Students in Free Enterprise, was a competition. His group finished first in regional competitions nine years in a row. Nationally, they were ranked third and this is amongst some of the best schools in the country. There is no division I, II or III. I give you this background because the President of the University was one of the speakers and spoke more highly of him than I’d ever heard of such a common person. However, he wasn’t a common person. He was exceptional.
Above all else, his family came first. He lost his first wife in his late 30’s, while his children were in their teens. He married his second wife in his mid-40’s, bringing her three children together with his and creating one large, loving family. The children all got along very well and remain close to this day. From these two families, he welcomed sons and daughter’s-in-law, as well as numerous grandchildren. His eldest granddaughter spoke at his funeral and she was the most eloquent, poised and composed speaker of the morning. She spoke about sitting on the patio while he would tell her stories, helping her with her homework and listening to talk about anything and everything that was going on in her life. She talked about how difficult it was to see him in the hospital and much she would miss him.
When she finished, the only audible sound in the room were that of sniffles, blowing noses and quiet sobbing. She had everyone in the room thinking about what a great man he was and how much he will be missed. Her speech described and reinforced the very soul and spirit of the man he was: husband, father, grandfather, uncle and friend.
I cannot do justice in my attempts to describe any of what the speakers said that day, so I will not try. The best that I can say about how amazing this funeral was, is that of the 250+ that showed up for the service, around 75 showed up at the cemetery, in 9°, windy, snowy weather, to say their final goodbyes. Among those who showed up for the service were members from my mom’s side of the family as well. Aside from his best friend, my uncle whom I mentioned before, my aunt and uncle, my mother’s brother and sister and another great uncle as well. When I spoke with each of them, after being somewhat surprised to see them there, they each conveyed how much they enjoyed having the opportunity to know this man. His presence went well beyond the boundaries of the two sides of my family and I continued to be amazed.
I wish I could’ve seen him more often than I did. I wish I had seen him more recently than the last time, which was two years ago and I wish that my final goodbye at that time was not my final goodbye.
May he rest in peace knowing that he touched the lives of so many, even those he only came in contact with for the briefest of moments. We will all miss you greatly.
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