Answer the phone, I know that you're home

I absolutely love my new cell phone, the MOTORAZR V3xx. Why, you ask?

• I bought the software that lets me connect it to my computer so I can:

1. Edit my address book;
2. Create & edit ring tones;
3. Add pictures from my computer;
4. Transfer files from phone to computer and vice versa; and
5. I can even use my phone as a modem to connect to the internet

• I can assign every single person a different ring tone, if I so desire
  
• If I enter a persons birthday, it tells me their sign
  
• My address book holds so much information, it’s almost overwhelming
  
• It’s loud
  
• It’s got a nice big screen so when I’m taking a picture/video, I can actually see what I’m shooting
  
• I can check my email, quickly
  
• I can get traffic updates from Houston Transtar
  
• I can go mobile with my AIM or Yahoo IM
  
• It's smart when I am texting/IM'ing/emailing someone. It remembers words I've used and auto-completes. Since my vocabulary is pretty limited, it doesn't have to be a genius :)
• The call quality is superb
  
• It’s brand spankin’ new. Enough said.

Maybe that it would do me good if I believed there were a God out in the starry firmament

It’s amazing how little things can set you off.

I was reading this article, which I thought from the headline would be an interesting story, but it turns out that it got deep into my into my psyche and then I couldn’t stop my head from thinking about my own death…and life, but mostly about how I won’t be here someday. In addition to having to deal with my recent loss, the combination of the two was too much for my mind and I imploded.

I got all twitchy, my breath got short and my heart rate increased. It was a panic attack. I haven’t had one since the day my (now ex) wife told me that we needed to split. I would get them frequently, mostly at night, and I would calm down by getting out of bed, throwing water on my face and lying down with one of the cats. This time however, I’m at work. I can’t get to the restroom without being noticed and I don’t have a cat nearby. To resolve the situation, I grabbed my stress ball off my desk and walked into the back of the file area, which is pretty close to my office, where it’s sort of secluded and dark. I just stood in there and tried to calm myself down.

I started to think about death, my death, and life, my life. I know this will get entirely too philosophical, but what are we doing here? I am back in school, and having a rough time of it, I might add, trying to get a degree so I can work for an organization that helps people. Shouldn’t my willingness/eagerness to want to help be enough? Why do I need a piece of paper to say to the organization, “Hire him, he’s ok. He’s one of us!” On-the-job experience will teach me more than any textbook, classroom or academic paper ever could.

We work so hard, for so long and for what? I know many people who work hard to provide for their families so the next generation can be better. That used to be a good moniker. Nowadays however, how much more does the next generation need? Isn’t this eventually going to wear itself out? Is it selfish of me to say that my life is not about my legacy? My family isn’t going to have it worse than me. I would consider my life, so far, to have been pretty good. In a shade more than 6 weeks, I’ll be 33 and I feel very lucky to have done many of the things I have, but does my legacy need more than that? I feel that, while the environment in which I grew up was not ideal, it has made a strong person. I don’t shy away from things because I had a tougher childhood than what my kids will likely have. By no means was my childhood as tough as so many other kids were either. At least I had a loving family, though my parents divorced when I was young; I had quality interaction with both of them then and to this day. My grandparents had a large influence on me as well because I spent a great amount of time with them throughout my childhood and even into my teen years.

I’ve run far away from the point of this post, so I am going hit the brakes and try to quiet my brain for the remainder of my workday.

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

I just received this email from a coworker:

Ouch!

We've got to get to a higher place...

The monotony of my job is almost too much to bear. I arrived 54 minutes late this morning and nobody really cared, other than me, because I am paid by the hour. I woke up late this morning and stayed in bed 20 minutes after that to play with the cat. I concocted a cute little story (i.e.: lie) for when I arrived, yet nobody asked why I was late, so I didn't even bother to mention it. I came in, put my lunch in the refrigerator, clocked in and went to my office to sit here and write this.

I've had a couple people walk in and out of my office for different things and the law clerk next door asked me about converting grams to ounces. Why? I have no idea, but apparently, it warranted ME getting on the internet and figuring it out. By the way, 28.35g = 1oz, in case you cared. She is always asking me inane questions about things and wondering who is playing on my iPod. I swear 3/4 of the time I think she has no idea who I am listening to, but will claim she enjoys them. Then she’ll ask, “Have I ever heard of so and so” Did I ask you to come bother me? I don't want your suggestions about opera either. I don't mind opera, but I don't want a 20-minute conversation about it, with tangents that have only the slightest bit of relevance to, wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yea, OPERA! According to her, don't see a Mozart opera either. Personally, I enjoy Mozart, but I didn't want to get into another 20 minutes on who was the greatest composer ever, so I just nodded and smiled.

Where was I? Oh yea, my mind-numbing, time-wasting excuse I have for income. Yesterday, I played about 70 games of Freecell, read some blogs, wrote some emails, searched for some things on the internet and did about an hours worth of work - right at the end of the day. I really need to start job hunting. I suppose I'll have to update my resume and post it...soon.

I definitely need to find something where my voice is heard and I have work to keep me busy for at least 80% of the day. If you know of a job like this or can offer me a job like this, I'm available! The only request I have is that I make a couple bucks more than I make now.

Thinking....

Thinking....

I think I'll lay low for the next couple hours and actually do some work until about 3pm. I can't imagine having anything to keep me busy beyond that.