A year has passed since I wrote my note

Now that my birthday is officially over and I’ve spent the day reflecting, I’m ready to share my year in review, as somber as it may be.

Lows -

Dating: On my birthday last year, the girl I was dating and I broke up. I followed this same girl to Houston just over a year earlier because I was in love with her. She broke it off, but I am the one who was stupid.

A few months and dates later, I started dating someone new and over the course of a few dates, I knew I wanted to spend as much time as I could with this girl. 4 months later, I had to break it off because I didn’t have enough time to spend with her. This was not an easy decision, but I had to be fair to be both of us. The reason I didn’t have enough time was…

School: I was having a very difficult time with the particular class I was taking at the time. I spent an entire weekend sitting in front of the computer doing research. Fortunately, she was working that weekend, however, it made me realize that if she hadn’t, she would’ve wanted time with me and one of two things would’ve happened: 1) I would’ve let my schoolwork suffer; or 2) I wouldn’t see her and the relationship would’ve suffered. I felt it was fair decision for both of us. I couldn’t give her all of myself at the time and she deserved better than that. I knew that my classes were only going to get tougher, so if this was an indication of things to come, I felt that the sooner I broke it off, the less painful it would be for both of, but particularly for her.

Work: It sucked. I didn’t get a raise after my first year and I started looking for new jobs. I actually had a few interviews, a couple of the positions I was very interested in, but was passed up for each of them.

Money: I went into some serious debt this past year and struggled at many times to pay my bills and eat. I’m not sure how I managed to make it without missing payments and killing my credit.

Social life: For months after the first breakup, my social life was non-existent. I would spend almost every weekend inside my apartment, either doing schoolwork or just trying to catch up on, well, everything! It sucked, period. Think about this - it was now summertime and I was inside...all the time.

Pets: My new cat, Cowboy, was a little hellion for about 4 months. I actually almost took him back to the SPCA. He was just too wild and terrorized my older cat, Squeaky.

Highs -

Dating: I dated someone that I really enjoyed spending time with and had a great 4-month ride with her. I wish I didn’t have to end it, but it was the right decision, I’m sure of that.

School: I graduated with my 2-year degree (finally!) in November and I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I was (can you say, “weight off my shoulders?”). Now I’m onto the 4-year degree and it’s kickin’ my ass!

Work: It’s much better now. I have received a significant upgrade in my responsibilities and I understand what my duties entail much more clearly. I am up for another review next month and I swear if I don’t get a raise, I might have to go postal (just kidding, I’m against guns!). A significant raise should be imminent, so I’m not worried.

Money: Somehow, through all of last year’s struggles, I made it and now I am paying off some of the debt I racked up last year. I’m actually paying it off at an alarmingly fast rate. I was able to scrape up enough money to buy myself a little vacation in NYC in November to see my friends and now I’m paying things off so quickly that I have money to do the things that I want to do this year as well – such as go on vacation with my friends in Cape Cod this summer.

Social life: It’s actually not much better, but I’m working on it.

Pets: It killed me to think what would happen to Cowboy if I took him back and someone else didn’t adopt him, so here he is now. He is still a little hellion sometimes, he doesn’t know his name, or the sound associated with his name, he bites, he scratches and he still attacks Squeak, but he is terribly cute and a little lover at night when I go to bed. He likes to snuggle and smush his nose into my chest while he purrs – how could I send that back? Squeak is still my little girl though and she knows it. She runs up into my lap when she is being chased because she knows I’m like home base. Once in a while, there is peace throughout the apartment, but not often.

Through all of the highs and lows of the past year, my emotional state has varied constantly as well. I think of myself as a very emotionally stable person, but this past year as been very trying on me. I won’t even begin to try to recap the whole year; I’ll just let you know where I’m at right now. Tired, frustrated, agitated, sad, lonely and stressed. However, after what I went through the past year, I know that I am on the upswing of these emotions and while I have a long way to go, I don’t feel as lost as I did just a few months ago.