I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one, oh my, me, my!

I got an email from someone recently that asked to know more about me. They claimed that while they could get a sense of who I am and what I am all about through reading here, I’ve never let anyone know the really personal side of me. I’m going to do this in pieces, as I think of things, probably about 10-15 at a time.

So here goes, one of those obligatory “…things about me” lists, although I can’t say how many I’ll come up with.

1. I was born 2 weeks late…and I am much happier that my birthday is in March instead of February!
2. I’ve known how to ice skate since I was 2, which is almost as long as I’ve known how to walk and have been playing ice hockey since I was 5.
3. I have very few memories of my childhood, not that it was bad, actually I know I grew up in a great home, but I just don’t remember a lot of it.
4. #3 not withstanding, I remember all of my elementary school teachers’ names because of their individual influences on me.
5. I didn’t learn how to ride a bicycle until I was about 9 years old. It’s not that I didn’t try; I just couldn’t get the hang of it. Go back to #2 and you’ll understand why it’s funny to me now.
6. I have an uncanny sense of direction and learn my surroundings extremely fast. My mom’s favorite example of this is when I was able to direct my stepfather, who was new to the area, from my house to my grandparent’s house, 7 miles away, when I was 5 years old.
7. I rarely ever write down directions.
8. Because my parents were so young when I was born, I got to know my great grandmother while growing up. She died when I was 18 and I’ll always associate the smell of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies with her because that’s what her house always smelled like.
9. Growing up, I remember being extremely curious about where certain streets led as I passed them. I also remember making mental notes that when I learned to drive, I was going to go back down those streets, if I hadn’t yet, to find this out. I still do this.
10. I’ve done most of the streets in #9 - to the best of my memory.
11. My family tree is tough to explain to new people, but see if you can follow: I have a blood-sister (30), a half brother (19 – the one who lives with me) from my mom and stepfather, a stepsister (29), who is his daughter from a previous marriage, and a stepbrother (22) and sister (20) from my stepmothers’ previous marriage. Got that?
12. Of all of the “kids” in my family, meaning children from my mom’s generation, I am the eldest. My sister is next and then it drops off to my 23-year-old cousin, then to my brother. My point in bringing this up is that I am not as close with my cousins as my parents were because of the age difference and this bothers me.
13. The first and only fight I was ever in was with Dylan Jones, a kid who lived 4 houses away, when I was about 7 years old. It’s a weird thing to remember considering #3.
14. While I’ve had numerous black eyes and a handful of split lips, mostly from bad hops while playing baseball; a bum rotator cuff in my right shoulder, again from baseball, pulled muscles and 5 stitches on top of my head from hockey, I have never broken a bone in my body and the fear of that pain drives me nuts!
15. I used to like wearing a tie to work, until I had to wear one everyday. Now I’ve toned it down to once a week, especially in the summer – it’s just too hot here.
16. If I could change anything about my body, it would be the hair on my head. I buzz it in the summer, because it’s too hot here, but in the cooler months, as I had it for 25 years before, I let it grow out. It gets all frizzy and I need about a quarter-size dollop of pomade to keep it under control. I would prefer to have hair that blows easily in the breeze, instead of having a windblown look – which isn’t pretty!

Ok, that’s all you get. I swear there will be more soon. Deal with this for now.

One day we'll celebrate every Halloween...Year two

So we were having this conversation yesterday at work about how people bought 6-8 bags of candy and expected to have about 1-2 remaining after Halloween, but wound up with less than one – and they were mildly disappointed. I asked how many kids would they estimate came to their doors and most people said anywhere from 50-100. So I started to do some math: roughly 40 pieces of candy/bag times 8 bags = 320 minus 1 bag leftover (50 pieces) = 270 divided by ~75 kids = 3.6 pieces of candy/kid. THREE pt. SIX pieces of candy PER KID – roughly. Also, the fact that a bag of candy cost around $4, that’s $32 in candy.

I reminded everyone that when I went trick or treating in my youth, I usually only received 1 piece from every house I went to. When I started handing out candy as an adult, I also handed out 1 piece for every halloweenie that came to my door. My esteemed co-workers noted that this was the price of inflation since I was a kid. In addition, as an adult, I usually buy about 3 bags of candy, which save me from having to buy 8 bags and spending $20, which I do not have.

I then questioned that in this day and age of how we’re such proponents for an obese America by advertising McDonald’s on every street corner and that we’re a fast-food nation, why are we handing out so much freakin’ candy on Halloween?! Aren’t these kids sugared up enough? Or after they get home, do the parents prick their fingers to see what their blood sugar is and then determine what they can and cannot eat?

Our society is so screwed up, I swear. One day we’re all up in arms about how kids are overweight and that it contributes to poor self-esteem and oh my god, the health risks as they get older. Then, for one day of the year, we are freely adding to that by pawning off 3.6 pieces of sugar and chocolate into every child that comes knocking on our doors.

I'm pretty sure this is in conjunction with my absolute hatred of Halloween.

Next year, I am going to buy 20 sugar-free gum packs and hand that out – 1 piece for every kid – that should equate to 100 kids. So, if you’re looking for Snickers’ Bites, Tootsie Rolls and M&M’s – all at the same house – don’t come trick or treating near me!